Off I am to the Emo Corner...

Well, I'm feeling pretty down today....

I went job-hunting today. No one's hiring. So it's looking like all my friends will have summer jobs except me, meaning that they'll be busy all summer and I'll have nothing to do.

The EGE is getting his driver's license, reminding me what a lazy idiot for not even having my permit yet (even though I've been sixteen for nine months).

Mandachan and the EGE are talking about the AP classes they are taking/have taken. Meanwhile, I've taken/plan to take exactly none, showing that they're the fucking intelligent ones where I'm the useless, stupid deadbeat who's never going to go anywhere in life. I'm stressing over exams because I'm just barely keeping up in algebra, and worrying about college because I've never fucking DONE anything in my high school career other than drama (and didn't even do it well).

Plus there's some other shit going on in my life that I REALLY don't wanna talk about.

Sigh. I'm gonna go shut myself in my dark bedroom and listen to depressing music.

Later.

~Laura

My Impending Doom...

AKA Prom.

I already know how this is gonna go:

No one's gonna dance with me. I'm going to dance with myself because none of my friends like to dance. I'm going to want to go dance, but not be able to because my friends don't dance and I'll have to choose between being alone and dancing, or hanging out with my friends and missing it.

I don't have a date. I'm the type of girl that boys don't ask, and I don't have the balls to ask the guy that I want to.

While mandachan and the EGE go off and do couple-y things and ignore me, I'm going to get emo, sit in a corner and watch jealously, and then end up texting Tara asking her to tell me a story because I'm lonely.

My normally well-hidden inferiority complex is going to pop up, due to seeing the other girls all dolled up in pretty dresses, while I stand there in my utter plainness.

I'm prolly going to have a mediocre night, made happy only by isolated incidents of my awesome friends pulling me into the awesomeness.

I know what you're thinking: If I don't expect to have a great time, why am I going? Simple. I like the idea of prom. I like dressing up. I like dancing. Only problem is, I'm alone in it all. Prom is not a friendly concept to a girl like me. But I hope, I always hope, that this time it might be better than every other dance I've gone to. I always hope, even though I know I'll inevitably be disapointed every time.

Prom is this Saturday. Can't wait.

~Laura

What I'm Listening To...

Some of the songs stuck on repeat on my internal iPod...

• The Sappy Love Song: "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. Otherwise known as the love theme from the movie "Titanic". We're singing it in Premier, and I have a solo, so I've been singing it a lot for that reason. It's a very beautiful song, and one of my father's favorites. It made me cry the first time I heard it, and it takes a lot to do that! I think a lot on this song....
• The Weird Song: "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga. Wow, this is one song that I never thought I'd be listening to over and over... My friend Kyla insisted that I listen to it, and now... I can't... stop! It's definitely... interesting, lyric wise. And it has a great beat for dancing. This is one of those songs that I listen to when I'm in a sexy psycho mood.
• The Emo Song: "Learn to be Lonely" written by Andrew Lloyd Webber for the movie adaptation of "The Phantom of the Opera"."No One Would Listen" was cut from the final script of the movie, and would have taken place sometime between "Masquerade" and "Past the Point of No Return" and is sung by Gerard Butler (The Phantom). The song details the Phantom's sorrow that Christine was the only one who truly understood him, but even she left him, and he's alone once more. I listen to this song when I'm feeling really down and lonely.
• The Awesome Love Song: "Hero/Heroine" by Boys Like Girls. This is perhaps one of my new favorite songs! Laurel/Eliz had me listen to it and it's awesome! This is one song that I would hope that any boyfriends I have in the future would relate to me ("I feel like a hero / and you're my heroine..." heroine pronounced like "heroin"... haha!). This song makes me think of my big damn heroes (you know who you all are...) and it makes me happy to have them.

So yeah! That's what I've been listening to! Kinda gives you an idea about what I've been thinking and feeling lately. I wouldn't really suggest them for you unless you already know and love them... except for "Hero/Heroine"!!! It's a great song and I highly recommend it for you all!

Peace out!

~Laura

So yeah...

I'm at my Dad's house for Easter. Not much is really happening today. I'm in my pj's. I had IHOP on the way up (IHOP = win). Now I'm in Dad's basement and will likely not leave all day (this is where the computer is...)

Yesterday... yeah. Again, apologies for not being in a very good frame of mind... Cramps plus allergy attacks plus teenage angst equals a not very happy me...

On the upside however.... I GOT A PROM DRESS!!!!

It's soooo pretty! It's a slinky and silky and a lovely bronze color with pink undertones. Shiny as all get out!

Now all I need is a date... My prom woes are the exact opposite of mandachan's: she has a date but needs a dress. I have a dress but need a date. But mandachan HAS been awesome enough to insist that she and the EGE will keep me company (never mind me feeling like a third wheel... but hell, better than nothing...)

Well... yeah... I'm gonna retreat into my little emo corner now...

~Laura

An apology

I'm sorry. I just can't post right now. Some good stuff happened today... but so did a lot of a bad stuff and I'm just not in a very good emotional place right now. I may be able to post tomorrow or the day after. Just not right now.

I'm sorry.

~Laura

ugh...

Not much to report. Had a not-so-awesome day. (Except for drama... drama makes me happy...)
I'll post something cooler when I'm in a better mood.

~Laura

Shopping Madness... or Attempting to Rediscover Polychromatic Clothing

I had a good day... mostly because it was an A day (I love A days...) and because rehearsal went swimmingly (Yay for being the only soprano and thus getting awesome parts in the opening number!), but also because of the outing with my parents.

Today was a Wednesday, so Mom had off from work and we all went shopping (and Mom and Dad sang "Easy Lover" by Phil Collins in the car... scarring me for life...). The shopping went... pretty well... ish. I was looking for an outfit for the techno dance my school is having on Friday. Shopping is really difficult for me, because it's hard to find outfits that really suit my style and because I hate my body type.

My style is really difficult to discribe... kinda like the bastard love child of a hippie and a goth. In the summer I tend to lean to the former, and in the winter to the latter. Anyway, most of my clothing is black, with some dark greens, reds, a handful of blues. But predominantly black. Not very well suited to a techno dance, hence the shopping trip.

Now, I have trouble finding clothes that really flatter me. While not really fat, I am not the skinniest of girls either... curvy is the word. Now don't get me wrong, I love my curves. My hips and ass are awesome, but I also have some excess mush around my stomach and thighs. This mush makes shorter skirts and fitted shirts a definite no. Throw in the fact that I have no chest to speak of, and you've got a handful of self-image issues that I hide with confidence and smartassery. I have exactly one fitted shirt that I like. Clothes that actually do flatter me are uncomfortable as hell. Clothes that are really comfy are also quite unflattering. You get my drift: shopping is hell.

Anyway, after wandering around Kohls, frustratedly trying to find florescents that I liked that looked suitably techno and being emo in the dressing room, I managed to find a lime green tank top that will be paired with black capri pants and some shiny green makeup. Yay! I finally have a decent outfit for this dance! In addition, I found an amazing top and vest based on the new "Alice in Wonderland" movie! While I won't be wearing these to the dance, I adore them, and will find them most pleasing additions to my collection of gothier clothes.

In short, my mission to find clothing falling somewhere actually on the color spectrum was not a complete failure, but I did undo my own work by buying the black top and gray vest... oh well, I like 'em!

In other news! One of my non-blood sisters has got a blog! It can be found at www.insert-the-title-here.com. Basically, she's only using it to put down ideas for stories, and background, and hopefully soon even stories themselves! Yay!

On a slightly sadder note: Today was Matty B's birthday. Matty B was a classmate who died back in November. I didn't know him well, but I still miss him. Happy Birthday, Matt. I won't forget you...

Happy Days, all.

~Laura